started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
