It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
