i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
