I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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