how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
