You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
