I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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