Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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