We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
