I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize