girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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