I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
