things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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