if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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