I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize