i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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