i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
