Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize