I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My vagina is officially offended.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
