you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
