mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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