She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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