Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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