I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
