i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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