I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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