a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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