Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
