Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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