Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i've created a new STD.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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