Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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