Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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