Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
