Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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