Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
