my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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