I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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