I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
