I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
