I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize