And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
