And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
