Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
