in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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