I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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