hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
