How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
