Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
