What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize