I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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