I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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