I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
