Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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