Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
