Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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