So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
