I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
