Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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