Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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