Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize