Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
