Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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