If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
