just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
