I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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