is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
