Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
