you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
