Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
