I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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