Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize