You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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