I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
