I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
