All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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