just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
