If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
