return my video game
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
