so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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