Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
