I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
