Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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