your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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