i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
