I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
